Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
