he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
