im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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