GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
