my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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