there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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