Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
