you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize