I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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