Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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