i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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