I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize