The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
