I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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