that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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