Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
