oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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