thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Send help, water and tortillas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
this hospital has no fireball
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
