You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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