Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
