she was so not down for the gang bang
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
