I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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