Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
