they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
