I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
