Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize