$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
