You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
