be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Less talking, more tequila
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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