i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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