i just google imaged poop.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
