Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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