I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
