I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
