I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
