Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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