So drunk, too bad you don't want this
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
