forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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