and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
