just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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