Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
