my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
