The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
