Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
