I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize