For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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