I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize