He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
