No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
