My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
