I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
