WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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