She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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