you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
