Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize