I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
