Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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