the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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