No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
