Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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