So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize