just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize