Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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