so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
