Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
