I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
