nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
