I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
